the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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