Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
