Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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