If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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