just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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