I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
