I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
