If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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