She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
