my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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