K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
