So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
