I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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