see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
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He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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