Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
not ubering you a puppy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
