i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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