Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
