is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
