Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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