He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
