Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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