dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
