Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
