Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
