i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
