My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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