If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize