I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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