and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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