Kiss
Puke
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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