imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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