Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
