mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
