just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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