i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
