Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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