i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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