im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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