dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
