It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
