i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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