i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
