Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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