Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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