His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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