I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
