She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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