If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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