you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
