There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
