I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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