How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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