the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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