My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
