okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
