sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
