I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My penis needs a shock collar
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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