whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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