Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
