They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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