why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
