I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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