You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
