Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Mom said you looked used
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
