She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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