In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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