for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
