I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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