Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
