i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
